The holiday season can be one of the most challenging times for divorced or separated parents. This time of year emphasizes family togetherness and tradition, which can heighten emotions and create tension between co-parents. However, with thoughtful planning and cooperation, you can create meaningful holiday experiences for your children while maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship. Here are a few practical tips to help co-parents navigate the holidays:
Start Planning Early
Don’t wait until December to discuss holiday arrangements. Early planning reduces stress, gives everyone time to plan. Review your custody agreement or parenting plan to understand the existing holiday schedule. Many agreements alternate major holidays each year or split the holiday break in half.
Put Your Children’s Needs First
While this may seem obvious, it’s worth emphasizing that your children’s emotional well-being should guide all holiday decisions. Children benefit from celebrating with both parents, even if that means adjusting cherished traditions or being flexible with your own preferences.
Communicate Clearly and Respectfully
Effective communication is the foundation of successful co-parenting during the holidays. Be specific about pickup and drop-off times, locations, and who will handle transportation. Confirm whether holiday events at school or with extended family will be attended by one or both parents. The more details you clarify in advance, the fewer opportunities there are for misunderstandings.
Be Flexible When Possible
Life happens, and unexpected situations arise during the busy holiday season. If your co-parent requests a schedule adjustment for a valid reason, try to accommodate when you can. This goodwill often comes back to you when you need flexibility yourself. Consider creative solutions that might not perfectly align with the custody schedule but better serve everyone’s interests.
Keep Negative Feelings Private
However you feel about your co-parent, the holidays are not the time to express those feelings in front of your children. Avoid making negative comments about your ex, their family, or how they choose to celebrate. Children are remarkably perceptive and will pick up on tension, sarcasm, or passive-aggressive behavior.
Attend Events Together When Appropriate
If you can manage it civilly, consider attending school concerts, religious services, or family gatherings together. This doesn’t mean you need to arrive together or sit side-by-side, but being present in the same space shows your children that both parents care about important moments in their lives. However, be honest with yourself about whether joint attendance will create more stress than benefit. If your presence together would result in tension that your children will feel, it may be better to alternate events or attend different performances.
Manage Your Own Expectations
The holidays may look different now than they did when your family was intact, and that’s okay. Grief over changed circumstances is natural, but dwelling on what’s lost prevents you from appreciating what you still have and building new traditions.
Focus on creating positive memories with your children during your parenting time rather than trying to recreate an idealized version of past holidays. Your children will adjust to new traditions, especially if you approach them with enthusiasm and consistency.
Consider the Practical Details
Don’t overlook practical matters that can cause friction if not addressed. Discuss who will purchase holiday outfits for family photos or special events. Clarify whether gifts from extended family should be opened at that relative’s home or taken to the other parent’s house. Decide how you’ll handle Santa gifts if both parents want to maintain that tradition. Transportation during the holiday season can be complicated by weather, traffic, and competing obligations. Build in buffer time for pickups and drop-offs, and have a backup plan if roads are treacherous or flights are delayed.
Co-parenting during the holidays isn’t always easy, but with planning, communication, and a genuine commitment to your children’s well-being, you can create holiday experiences that your children will remember fondly. If you have questions about your custody order or need help addressing co-parenting challenges this holiday season, our family law team is here to provide you with the support you need.